Stories I Tell My Grandchildren - #2...... Thor and His Goats

Stories I Tell My Grandchildren - #2

Thor and His Goats

An Adaptation of Northern Lore For The Young

“Pop,” Mason asked, “Will you tell me another story about Thor?”  It was a rainy Sunday in Texas, and Northern Winds put a chill into the air. 

 

“Sure,” I said with a bit of caution.  The new Thor movie had just been released amid much fanfare and I was positive that the little guy had some questions.  I attempted to head off the questions with what I knew. 

“First things should always be first, Mason.  The real Thor has red hair and a bushy red beard, not blonde.  He is ruggedly handsome; Thor does not look like a clean-shaven, male fashion model.  Daddy Odin never kicked him out of Asgard and Sif is his loving wife, not a movie character who looks like a cross between Wonder Woman and Zina, Warrior Princess.  Plus, Sif is blonde!” 

“But Pop,” Mason strained, with a question stuck in this throat, “Why is the movie wrong?”   

“Well Mason, it’s not as much as the movie being wrong as it is about money.  The people who made the movie know what sells at the box-office.  They know that a blonde, clean-shaven guy appeals to more people than a big, red headed dude with a beard.  So, they put on the movie screen what people want to see.” 

“And they make more money?” 

“Yes Mason, a lot of money.”  

“So they make a lot of money by telling the wrong story?” 

“Well, they really make a lot of money by showing people what they want to see – the truth doesn’t matter.”    

The little guy had a puzzled look on his face; he’s only five years old.  When I told him that he would understand better when he was older, his puzzled look changed to a blank stare.  That did not last long. 

He laughed with delight as he said, “Thor really flies good with his hammer!” 

Again, I had to burst a movie-made bubble.  “Mason, Thor does not use his hammer to fly.  He uses his hammer to smash trolls and giants.  When he throws his hammer so it can do its’ work, it always comes back to him.” 

“But Pop, how does Thor fly?  Does he use an airplane?”  You just have to love five year olds. 

When I stopped smiling, I casually said, “When our friend Thor needs to fly, he uses his cart, pulled by his two goats.” 

“A cart and two goats?  Like the goats we saw at the neighbor’s farm?” 

“Thor’s goats are very special, Mason.  They are much bigger and stronger than what we saw the other day at the farm.  Well, they have to be if they lug Thor around the Multiverse in his cart!  And, they look more like mountain rams, with big, curled horns.” 

“Do Thor’s goats have names?”  

“Yes they do!  Thor calls them Toothnasher and Toothgrinder.  And, he is very protective of his magical goats.” 

“The goats are magical Pop?” 

“Absolutely Mason!  As I said before, they have to be magically strong so they can pull Thor around in his cart and take him where he needs to go.  And when he gets hungry, his goats help him.” 

“The goats go to Kroger and get stuff for Thor to eat?” 

“No Mason, but that would be a neat trick!  Let me tell you a story and you will understand.  Long ago, Thor was out and about within the Multiverse on Asgard business.  And of course, Toothgrinder and Toothnasher were with him, pulling his cart.  He stopped in Midgard for the night and was very hungry.  So, he ate one of his goats, and carefully laid out the bones, so he could bring it back to life in the morning; this was another way his goats help him.  Thor did this many times and always was successful bringing the goat back to life; they were perfect.  He just put his hammer over the bones, said a word or two, and there was his goat, healthy and sturdy as before.  But on that particular morning, things did not happen in the usual way.”  I paused to take a sip of my adult beverage. 

“What happened Pop?” 

When I put down my glass, I continued.  “As soon as his goat came back to life, Thor noticed that the goat was lame; the poor guy could hardly walk and running was out of the question.  Our big red-bearded guy was very angry; he knew that somebody messed around with the bones when he was sleeping.  Soon, Thor discovered that a little boy and girl had played with the bones – they were about your age!  So, he ate the goat again, laid out the bones in the proper manner, and brought the goat back to life.  His goat was perfect, as it was supposed to be.  Then, he scooped up the boy and girl, put them into his cart, and went to his home in Asgard.”  Again, another pause for a sip of my beverage; I knew what was coming. 

“Pop,” Mason asked, “Did Thor hurt the little boy and girl?” 

“No, but he wanted to teach them a lesson.  Thankfully for those two kids, Thor talked over his plan with his wife, Sif.  Sif thought that Thor’s plan was too harsh and convinced him to let her deal with the kids.  She put the boy and girl to work, doing some minor chores around their home in Asgard.  So tell me Mason, did you learn anything from this story?” 

“Ah…….not to play with stuff that’s not yours ‘cause you will get into trouble?”   

“Yes, that’s it.” 

“Pop, can you tell me a story about Sif, Thor’s wife?” 

“I have the perfect story for you but that will have to wait for another time.  Now, it’s nap time.”

 

“Awh Pop!”

Copyright @2013 Terry Unger

                     

       

Kindle "Yule" Published !!!

My wife and I are pleased to announce that our book, A Yuletide Anthology - A Collection of Selected Works and a Few Tasty Recipes is now available as a Kindle book. Within the covers of this small book, the authors tell of a time before the Christian conversion when the northern European peoples celebrated their most sacred of holidays, Yule. The reader will also find a few comments on holiday behavior and holiday gifting. Tucked between the pages are some recipes that will tempt your taste buds. And, for the holiday romantics, a short story of how a heart of stone is transformed is included.  

                                          Copyright @2013 Terry and Sandra Unger

Yuletide Anthology Published !

As of this date, 11/4/2013, A Yuletide Anthology - A Collection of Selected Works and a Few Tasty Recipes is available as a 6 x 9 soft cover on Amazon.  The Kindle version should be ready by Friday, 11/8/2013.  Within the covers of this small book, the authors tell of a time before the Christian conversion when the northern European peoples celebrated their most sacred of holidays, Yule. The reader will also find a few comments on holiday behavior and holiday gifting. Tucked between the pages are some recipes that will tempt your taste buds. And, for the holiday romantics, a short story of how a heart of stone is transformed is included.

                                 
                                        Copyright @2013 Terry and Sandra Unger
                                       
                                                               

A New Book Is In The Works !!!!

Sandra and I are happy to announce that our first collaboration, A Yuletide Anthology - A Collection of Selected Works and a Few Tasty Recipes is with the publisher for final edit.  This short book concentrates on Yule, the most holy of northern European holidays that was celebrated before the Christian conversion.  The reader will discover the origins of things like Santa Claus, the Yule log, holiday greenery, and much more.  We did not forget that the holiday has a need for tempting food; thus the recipes.  While not ancient, the recipes do recall a simpler time.  There are a few articles about holiday behavior and holiday gifting.  While not written in stone, they offer common sense solutions to the madness of the modern Christmas holiday.  And for the holiday romantics, a short story about a change of heart is there; grab your tissues.  

                                                 Copyright @2013 Terry and Sandra Unger   

Stories I Tell My Grandchildren #1

Stories I Tell My Grandchildren    #1

Thor and the Walls of Asgard

An Adaptation for the Young from the Northern Lore

Thor is a great guy and not a comic book character!  He has red, shaggy hair and beard and is one of our oldest ancestors.  That makes him a member of our family.  He has a mighty hammer and a belt of power that he wears around his waist.  Thor lives in a place called Asgard with his father Odin and more of our older ancestors or, relatives.  Just think of them as older brothers and sisters, or aunts and uncles!  Asgard is a large and very bright city surrounded by high walls.  These walls protect Asgard from its enemies, the mountain and frost giants.  And, Thor’s main job is to protect Asgard and our home Earth or, Midgard from these nasty giant’s violent forces. 

Unfortunately, like all families, a quarrel between our older family members happened very long ago.  Some of our older family members who lived in Asgard and some other family members, who lived just a little ways from Asgard in Vanaheim, quarreled, argued, and got into a big fight.  It was nasty.  Finally, father Odin realized that it was dumb for the family to fight and they all made up, and promised to never fight among themselves again!  But, there was much damage to Asgard. 

Most of Asgard’s walls were knocked down; that left Asgard almost unguarded from the giants.  As our relatives were discussing how to repair the walls, a stone mason, his cart, and his big black stallion arrived.  The mason offered to repair the walls in a short time but the price for his work was expensive.  If he finished on or before the agreed time, he would have beautiful Freya as his wife, and the Sun and Moon as his possessions!  If he did not complete the job, he received no pay!  Our family huddled together and thought that the mason’s offer was silly; no way could he finish the job.  One man, they thought, could not do all that work!  So, they took the mason up on his offer; Freya, the Sun, and the Moon were safe.  Or so they thought.  You see, the mason was a crafty mountain giant in disguise and he had a magical plan.  Thor was not at home.  He was off somewhere bashing ugly trolls.  The disguised giant began his work the very next morning. 

This giant was very tricky.  His big, black stallion was magical, and carried and pulled many more large stones than a normal horse; together, the giant and the horse moved and put into place the large stones with ease.  Soon, it was obvious to our relatives that the mason had tricked them and he would finish long before the deadline.  What should we do, they said to themselves?  Freya is lost to marriage and we really need our Sun and Moon!  But our relatives were not without their own magic! 

Loki, a tricky magician and a sometimes friend of our relatives, just happened to be visiting Asgard that day and had a plan.  He changed himself into a beautiful mare, a female horse, and ran out to play with the stallion.  The two horses ran and played together for days.  This prevented the giant mason from finishing his task on time.  The giant then knew that he had been tricked and became very angry.  In his anger, he changed into his true self – a mountain giant!  When our old relatives saw that the stone mason was really a mountain giant, they shouted out to Thor to come home. 

When Thor heard his family calling out to him, he stopped bashing trolls and quickly returned to Asgard.  Then Thor saw that the giant was about to fight with his family.  He threw his mighty hammer at the giant; it found its mark and returned to his hand.  The giant broke into smaller pieces of rock; that giant never bothered our relatives again!  Thanks to Thor, Freya, the Sun, and the Moon were saved! 

The next time that you see a pile of rocks in the forest, fields, or by the roadside, maybe that’s where Thor bashed a giant! 

                                     

                                           Copyright @2013 Terry Unger                  

A Word For All Seasons

This four letter word, in my very humble opinion, is the most versatile in the English language.  It can be used as a verb, adjective, noun, pronoun, or adverb.  Also, when in non-English speaking country's, should you add words to it like go, you, or yourself, everybody understands exactly what you are saying.  This English word is universally understood, especially when accompanied by certain hand gestures.

If you drop this word, like a bomb, within ear-shot of a Church Lady, he/she may go out of his or her way to tell you that you have a future career opportunity in hell.  These same misguided souls will tell you the same if you are sporting tattoos.  Why are these people so upset?  Why are they concerned about you?  The answer is simple.  They are People of the Book.

This book in known as the bible and contains all of their answers.  It is a compilation of oddities and absurdities written by various humans over the course of many centuries.  But the People of the Book give all glory and credit to their god, who at the very least we are told, "inspired" the people who wrote the stuff.  Well, the various authors must have been tripping out on LSD; their god comes off as a spoiled 13 year old brat or an absolute lunatic.

The radical fringe of the People of the Book are happy to tell you all that you are doing wrong - they can quote it chapter and verse.  Also, do not be surprised if  one of them tells you that Gandhi is going to hell.  And, if you question their reasoning, you will promptly be told that you are an insolent sod and do  not have the  right to doubt their god's "love" for you even though it smacks of sadism.  Their god is, after all, all  merciful.

Fortunately, there is a solution.  Using the Word For All Seasons, tell them to go fuck themselves.  That they will understand.  However, if you say it with a smile on your face, they may take it as a term of endearment.  If you have read this and are offended, you really need to lighten up.

                                                 Copyright @2013 Terry Unger      

A Few Thoughts From An Older Man Who Still Has The Fire....

The king does sit on his throne, but his queen is the one who makes it comfortable.

There have been times when I thought.....why did that happen, why was that person chosen....or.... why did that event happen?  Then I remember that humans are what they are and the Infinite has a different agenda.  Maybe we humans are nothing but pawns in the greater scheme of things.

In a real game, there can only be one winner.  The winner gets the trophy and goes out for ice creme.  The loser just goes home.  In our politically correct society, everyone gets a trophy and goes out for ice creme.  In the latter scenario, there are no winners, just losers.

When, after watching the evening news, I think that bringing back public hangings back into vogue may make an impression on the young who think that being a gangsta is cool.

The only thing worse than a crusader with a cause is a crusader in cyber-space.  Jim Jones would have loved cyber-space.  Pass the cool-aid please.

Being a tough guy today does not necessarily mean how many punches you can take or how many you can dole out.  Rather, it means how tall you can stand against adversity to finish your job.

Social media offers us many options.  Of these, libel and slander are on the rise.  Hopefully, those of crooked tongue and warped mind will one day meet a good, old-fashioned country judge who goes by many names.

If it rains so hard in your life that you believe the gods are ringing out a well soaked bar towel from the heavens, grab a bucket.  It's not often that you get to share a drink with divinity.

Some things are worth dying for but others are not.  When principled belief wears down and becomes wanton want, your grave barrow gets deeper.

Many of us take freedom of speech and freedom of religion for granted - because we were born into it.  That is a mistake; do not ever be complacent about these freedoms.  There are those in our world who are ready and willing to rob you of this wealth.

Any system, habit, product, or belief that asks, requests, or demands a person to give up personal freedom and put trust in it, is not looking out for an individual's self-interest.  It is looking out for its very own.  The individual person becomes the refuse in the greater collective.

                                               Copyright @2013 Terry Unger