My Top Ten List Of - Gawd! I hate when that happens!

#10 - When you wake up in the morning and have no idea of how and when you got into bed.

#9 - When that fart is just a bit more than gas.

#8 - When you don't have the correct coins for the parking meter.

#7 - When your health, car, and homeowner's insurance goes up in the same month.

#6 - When you get back to your car after shopping to find out that some jerk pushed in the door of your car with his bumper and then took off.

#5 - When after you fill out that on-line survey for a "free gift," a bizillion telemarketers suddenly know your phone number.

#4 - When you run out of beer and the store is closed.

#3 - When the cable company disconnects your service on Super Bowl Sunday because they think you're dead.

#2 - When you run out of smokes and matches at the same time.

#1 - When you finally catch your spouse doing the deed with your "best friend."
             


                                                Copyright @2012 Terry Unger


                                             

The Art Of Being Yourself

It's tough being your own man in today's world.  One group wants you to think and do their this and that, while others attempt to do the same.  And, they do not want you to deviate from their specific dogma and creed; 100% or nothing - cherry picking is not allowed.  While it is true that within civilized society the majority makes the laws and statutes (we want to think so), there always will be the fringe dwellers.  But for many reasons both real and imagined, the authoritative elements within the society makes or have made the people fear the fringers.  The majority then, hold the fringers in contempt for their failure to conform to the prevailing social paradigm.  In some cases, that fear is warranted.  In that respect, two names come to mind:  Charlie Manson and Adolf Hitler.  Both were fringe dwellers that rose to international notoriety through their actions; we know how that turned out.  But, what about the fringers who pose absolutely no threat who desire to be left alone and live their lives in peace?  They too earn the label of non-conformists and are used as scapegoats with an extra dose of fear thrown in for good measure.  A great example of this comes to mind, even though it is several hundreds of years old.  Its various parts are still valid in our times.

Once upon a time (no, really), the basic social structure was the village.  On the outskirts of the village lived solitary people who became known as the Hedge-woman/man.  The knowledge of the forest and field had been passed down to them and they used that knowledge for three basic reasons:  to maintain some kind of balance between man and nature (something already out of sorts in their time), to help their fellow villagers combat illness (they were also great midwives), and to eventually find the one that they could pass their knowledge on to.  Those folks existed in all cultures and they were the fringe dwellers of their day.  Enter the Church.

During the Church's early centuries, the Church and those fringers got along.  And, the Church used those fringers in a variety of ways to help advance their agenda.  But a thing or two, and more, ate away at that tenuous relationship.

The Church was envious and even jealous of the popularity that those fringers had with the general public.  Added to that, was the Church's misogyny.  Centuries before the birth of the baby Jesus, the Hebrew tradition, supposedly for what Eve had done in the Garden of Eden, held women in contempt for any and all evil that could befall a man, village, or nation.  As an offshoot of Judaism, Christianity adopted and continued that poor behavior.  Those fringe dwelling people and particularly the women, became a serious threat to the Church's authority.  Another point that can be debated but has some validity was the Black Plague; the Church was powerless against it.  People were extremely frightened and the Church could not quench their fears.  Toss in the Inquisition, stir and don't shake, and you have a deadly cocktail that was consumed for centuries.

Earlier it was mentioned about how authoritative elements within societies induce fear into the general populace to not trust the non-conformist fringe dwellers.  In the above example the Church was that element and blamed those fringers for everything (hence the stir and don't shake!).  They labeled those fringers heretics, witches, pagans, and heathens; thousands died.  By the way, the label heretic is given to anyone who does not proscribe to the major doctrine, dogma, and creed - history is full of doctrinal change.

In general, these folks held no harmful intention against the social order in which they lived.  But they were fringe dwellers and became an easy target.  Do we have fringe dwellers in our social paradigm of today?  Of course we do.  Are they a threat to civilized society?  

Actions speak louder than words.  What are these people really doing versus what the authoritative elements tell us they are doing?  This is where being yourself becomes an art.  You need to look at and review everything that you can.  Then you can decide for yourself; the art is deciding what is truth and what is fiction.  That's a big reason why it's tough being your own man in today's world; you're a fringe dweller and a heretic to boot!!!

                                            Copyright@ 2012/2016 Terry Unger  

 

      

My Top Ten Reasons For Giving Cash As A Gift

#10 - You will not agonize over if the recipient will like your gift.

#9 - That funny holiday sweater will not come back to you via some re-gifting scheme.

#8 - You will not waste your time guessing what the recipient wants.

#7 - You avoid those crazy holiday shoppers.

#6 - Since you didn't buy anything, you don't have to keep receipts for the inevitable return that is bound to happen.

#5 - You will not have to endure the fake smile from the recipient that really means they hate your gift.

#4 - When you put one dollar in a gift card it sends a strong message.

#3 - Who is gonna ask you to "return" cash?

#2 - Giving cash can make you appear extremely beneficent and magnanimous.

#1 - Giving cash is just easier.

Author's Note:  I still enjoy watching the grandchildren having more fun with the empty box that the expensive toy came in rather than the toy itself.  Hint - maybe an empty box holds more secrets then what meets the eye.  

                                               Copyright @2012 Terry Unger  



 

My Top Ten Reasons To Stay Home On New Year's Eve

#10 - The price of food and drink is jacked up, silly, and just plain ridiculous.

#9 - You can watch Casablanca and Gone with the Wind in one night.

#8 - You have the opportunity to watch your neighbor stumble and vomit on his driveway.  Then you can go out and ask him if he will join you in a new year's toast.

#7 - It's a great way to avoid a bar fight.

#6 - You can ring in the new year in your underwear.

#5 - You don't have to rent a room.

#4 - If you're gonna make a fool of yourself, your audience will be limited.

#3 - You can stock up on beer, booze, and eats long before New Year's Eve.

#2 - You can give Ryan Seacrest a shot at filling Dick Clark's shoes.

#1 - Amateur drunks clog the roads on New Year's Eve.  Stay home; stay alive.


                                               Copyright @2012/2016 Terry Unger

My Top Ten Reasons Why We Watch Football

The 2015/2016 NFL season is here......a few of my thoughts.

#10 - You believe that John Madden is a god; you know that Vince Lombardi has a seat on Mount Olympus.  

#9 - You like watching the cheerleaders and hope that at least one of them has a "wardrobe malfunction."  

#8 - You enjoy watching a bunch of men chase each other in tight pants.  

#7 - You like the feel of the ball.  

#6 - When you go to a game and sit in the nose bleed section, you get to see some great MMA fights.  

#5 - It's a great reason to buy a 72" television.  

#4 - You get to have/go to parties for 16 consecutive Sundays.  

#3 - Monday night football makes up for a lousy Monday at work.  

#2 - NFL Thursdays is a good excuse to go out and have a few beers with friends.  

#1 - It beats sitting on your ass and doing absolutely nothing.  

                                           Copyright @2012/2015 Terry Unger  

My Top Ten Reasons For Staying In Bed

#10 - It's raining, sleeting, or snowing out side.... and it's really cold out there!

#9 - It's a holiday, a weekend, or your birthday.

#8 - You're just too damned tired to drag your ass out of bed; rough night and hungover or just too damned sick to be seen in public.

#7 - You forgot to set the alarm so, screw it!

#6 - Whatever "it" is, you can do "it" tomorrow.

#5 - You work from home and it's more comfortable to work in bed rather than your home desk.

#4 - You really need 7 to 8 hours of great sleep.

#3 - It's a good place to start that new diet.

#2 - You have clean sheets and a spiffy new blanket.

#1 - Your significant other is there.

            I am sure that there are more reasons for staying in bed; feel free to add your own!

                                               Copyright @2012 Terry Unger

Holiday Eating and Drinking..... You Want To Diet?

Recently, I read an article on the Internet (what, not relevant? Hahahaha), about how to not gain weight over the Labor Day Holiday (italics, mine).  That article was nothing more than a holiday specific version of How to not gain weight over the Holidays (again, italics, mine, just thinking about all those other articles over the years that want you to curb your holiday food and drink consumption).  Who are those people kidding?  Read the list of what is recommended for you to eat and then read the offered weight friendly recipes in those articles.  Ugh, and more ugh.  I for one, do not enjoy the tastelessness of cardboard and Styrofoam but if you do, bon appetite.  Well excuse me if I find that the taste of food is wonderful when it luxuriates in flavor.  And, so much of that flavor is dependent on fat ( no apologies here; I am a culinary school graduate of the old school and the three secrets of  great tasting food is butter, butter, and more butter.  And, your steak tastes great when it IS marbled with fat).  

Well OK, fat is fat, period (good fat, bad fat?  Only your doctor knows for sure; maybe).  We can get into the various types of fat but not now.  But I will admit that too much fat, depending on who you are, cannot be good for you (take notice, I said.....depending on who you are).  However, there is a secret available to all of us that busts fat and so much more.  Are you ready?  Really?  Here it is:  diet, exercise, and sleep.....plus some common sense.

Here, diet means moderation and balance, not some quirky fad quick fix.  Moderate your portions and give equal balance to meat, veggies, fruit, dairy, and whole grain consumption.  And drink at least two quarts of water daily.  Please understand that cookie cutter diets at the very least, are temporary and will not work for everyone.  You need to experiment, to find your balance, to discover what's right for you.  Unfortunately, exercise is a killer idea for many people.

Yes, exercise.  Sorry, whatever you do while at work is not enough.  You need to put effort into cardio:  walking, running, or bike riding, several times a week.  And, some weight training will help.  Hey - it is what it is - you need to blow off the calories to get your heart and circulatory systems in tip - top shape.  Oh, and if you smoke, for gawd's sake quit now.

The younger you are, the less you think about sleep and its importance.  Regardless of age, 7 to 8 hours of good sleep a night is essential.  It is during sleep that the body repairs itself and gets rid of harmful toxins.  Good and restful sleep goes hand in hand with diet and regular exercise.  During the holidays, I can eat and drink what I want, because of my attention to exercise, sleep, and moderation of what I eat during the rest of the year.  But hey, that's me; maybe it can be that way for you too.  When I am eating my stuffed beef tenderloin and boneless center cut pork, covered with bacon at Yule, and while drinking my Southern Comfort Manhattan, I may be thinking of you, but probably not.  I'll be too busy enjoying myself.  
                                       
                                               Copyright @2012 Terry Unger